Charger Opinion

Things that bother me...

Brandon Grissom, Charger Staff

Most of the time, I sit around in a semi-catatonic state in which I am barely coherent and am tuned out to the world. There is always a heartless person who feels the need to ask me an unappreciated question. That question is, “What’s wrong?”

I now feel the need to express my views to the public once and for all. I will tell you what bothers me.
For starters, I am annoyed by short people , neighborhood children, and the Lifetime Movie Network, but what really bothers me is seeing a middle-aged man in a Mazda Miata.

I see his comb over gracefully flapping in the wind as he tries desperately to pass me on a winding road. Why does this man not realize that the hair dye that he uses looks like black spray paint? Krylon head should abandon the pathetic dream that he is still living in 1976.

Following the Miata is the annoying wannabe driving a Honda that is equipped with an extremely loud muffler. This dude does not realize that his rice burner is distracting chicks that are trying to gaze longingly at my babe mobile.

He should fill his ride up with Uncle Ben’s and drive it into the ocean. Maybe it will float back to Japan where it belongs.

Another complaint that I have is about television. While channel surfing, I see the Home Shopping Network. What is the purpose of this channel?

It was designed for people who are far too lazy to go shopping. The creators of this mindless garbage should be dragged into the street and forced to watch an endless parade of fake gold.

I also see the Lifetime Movie Network. LMN is supposed to be television for women. Instead, it is television to torture men.

I hate listening to angry women complain about the hardships that they face on a daily basis.

These are just a few of the things that upset me. The total list is too long for this space, but if you happen to bust my onions, I will definitely let you know.